It's probably beating a dead and buried horse to call this movie bad by now, but I finally slumped down in a pile of self-loathing and forced myself to watch this 122-minute humiliation ritual all the way through. The first time I tried to watch this turd, I peaced out somewhere between the Rain Man wannabe showing up and Jlo's "revelation" that she's a dyke. There was just something that smelled off about proceedings. And boy was my intuition proven right... Like if you wanna see a guy get completely emasculated, look no further. It makes your average onlyfans simp look like f**king Conan the Barbarian. I mean the whole damn movie is just Ben Affleck being a desperate whiny b**ch and begging for sex... like you know that terrible trope where the guy in a romcom will say how the girl is 'so beautiful and funny and smart'? Try making an entire movie about that. Two goddamn hours of it. By the end I was a second hand eunuch. It ends up being a relief whenever the retard kid is around because at least then it's not overwritten cringe dialogue where Ben gets repeatedly let down by a lesbian. Didn't we have this movie already? Oh yeah, we did. It was called CHASING AMY and it had a f**king plot that made sense. Even Jersey Girl at least had a plot, as excruciating as that terrible abomination was. After this pair of deuces Affleck dropped it's a sheer miracle he kept his career. But enough metacommentary--I'm not done talking about this movie. There's one thing I have to touch on, because you're probably not going to watch this thing all the way to that part. There is no plot, but there's a paperthin premise, at least. Something like they kidnap a federal prosecutor's retard brother in order to get a mob boss cleared from a trial. And that doesn't really matter for the most part because it all takes place at Ben Affleck's apartment -- except for one scene. One scene that absolutely does not belong in this movie whatsoever. And this is a big spoiler because from what I can tell it's not advertised---so you've been warned. .. .. But okay, since you're not gonna watch this piece of sh*t, I'm gonna tell you, that some three quarters into the movie, out of absolutely f**king nowhere, Al Pacino appears. Dunkaccino himself. As the mob boss. And not only that, but it's his most powerful performance since Heat. And I say that without any hint of exaggeration. It's like he didn't know what movie he was in. He definitely didn't know--because holy sh*t--for three and a half glorious minutes Al goes on a maniacal tirade that I'm 100% certain he wrote himself, just because it sounds nothing like any of the sh*t dialogue in the rest of the movie. And if it was literally any other movie but Gigli, it would have elevated it to kino, no matter how bad the rest was. This is how good this scene is. And the whole time he's going on, Ben is just sitting there like a stuffed turkey. And of course it's eventually Jlo who has to save his ass with some retarded lameass line that sounds stupid as sh*t. Then you remember you're watching Gigli again. Like I think Ben doesn't even have a single line in the scene. In many ways, the movie is ahead of its time: in the sense that it makes the male lead look like a total buffoon while the girl is the Bestast Evar and also stunning and brave. Dumb b**ch. Jlo always has that stupid sh*t-eating half grin on her face. What's up with that? She must have picked it up from George Clooney.