Venom: The Last Dance is not a movie, it is an ordeal that leaves one soiled, sore, and crying in the shower. I'm saying I was raped. This movie raped me. It starts badly, with an unfunny, hackneyed scene where Eddie Brock wakes up in Mexico and faces off against some bad men who keep dogs in cages or something, I started off feeling mildly pained but I didn't know why, just the specter of something evil was present. Something just off about it from the get-go. A bad odor, like dog sh*t on the bottom of your shoe, the premonition you have encountered something terrible... It gets worse. Second by second, the movie turns more hostile against the viewer. An out of place fantasy plot strips all suspension of disbelief immediately. We are then thrust into some regurgitated science lab subplot that we saw twice in the prior movies, except this time taking place at Area 51 staffed wholly by women and black people... and black women. And then a special forces team pursuing Eddie also staffed by women and headed by Idris Elba... I feel dizzy. I am sick. I've become a derelict... As the film progresses, my senses leave me, the only notion left is a nausea that bubbles into a malaise. This foul spell cast on me spurs a fever. I am sweating under blankets... I am shivering. The plot furthers its wickedness, laying its punishments on my weak and immobile body. Now it becomes an alien road trip family comedy movie with the welsh guy from Notting Hill... and now Eddie has the key to the universe inside him or... actually now Eddie's friend I think from the first movie is not dead but actually now a symbiote in a cell at Area 51 that the black woman scientist and blonde woman scientist study while Idris Elba who is a black man scientist and black man special forces specialist scientist also is in command of while the key to the universe inside Eddie makes the space bug alien appear but also area 5512 symbiotes alien black men women scientist... Now we're in Las Vegas where eddie gets pissed on and meets the chinese woman from the 7 eleven by coincidence because she's just good at gambling or something and they put her in a sexy dress and try to force the viewer to think she's hot even though she's old and ugly and oh no the special forces smash through the skylight and instantly knock out eddie even though in the other movies he was invincible............. As I awake in a pool of my own vomit in the fetal position, there are some hours left before dawn in which I can do nothing but make idle reflections on this horrible movie forced upon me. I don't even remember the ending, only random flashbacks remain: a maelstrom of visual noise capping off this creatively bankrupt film with one of the ugliest action sequences ever conceived by mankind. Who signed off on this raw sewage? Did anyone read the script first? Did anyone watch the finished product afterwards? Whoever did must no longer remain with the living. That morning, the Sony Entertainment offices were lined with mouth-agape corpses. They covered up the whole thing. I bet it was Idris Elba and the special forces from Area 51... they... I don't know anything anymore, except the aching in my chest like something has been torn out of me. Ah.