They got me! 😔
I knew it would be feminist garbage but I am actually pretty laidback and don't agree with online reactionary takes on media most of the time. For example, I thought "No Hard Feelings" was actually funny, the female reboot of "Evil Dead" wasn't so bad and any feminist subtext was insignificant, and "The Whale" was heartwarming despite it being about an obese homo. So I gave "Barbie" a shot since I kept seeing hot takes about it on Twitter and in our corner of the internet.
To be fair, I didn't pay for the tickets. My gf did but we still gave money to people who hate us. DO NOT DO THE SAME! PIRATE THE MOVIE FFS! It's only because I hate spoilers that I didn't know any better. I didn't read any reviews and would skip scenes reposted on Twitter but all of the hubbub enticed me. Bravo to the "Barbie" marketing team. This is the kind of public outrage free publicity (Ã la Trump) that companies like Bud Light often try to cultivate. Sometimes it backfires and sometimes it's a huge success. When you see Ben Shapiro light Barbie on fire, that's a W for Mattel.
The successful subversion is almost entirely due to the genius casting of Ryan Gosling. The "literally me" mascot loved by all the far right Chuds is why I gave the movie a chance. Even though I knew that's what they were doing. It's because I saw some cope online about how he's actually based and that it's like the Far Cry social commentary that backfired and just made people root for far right Bible thumpers with their catchy "Keep Your Rifle By Your Side" song:
But that's not the case. Ken is a big baby with no identity outside of his love interest and it's just feminist projection. "Men talk about things, women talk about people." The Bechdel Test centered scripts fail with women because that's not what motivates women. It's why they love "Pride & Prejudice" and Star Wars flops with them. However, I must admit the "tfw no gf" crowd that loves Ryan definitely act like women and define their status and purpose in life by the pussy (or lack thereof) that they can get. The film's subversion ends with a final meta stab in the back to Gosling fans when he says "Ken is me" over and over as he has a temper tantrum about not getting pussy.
But they have a a taste of their own intersectional medicine because the whole thing fizzles out in an incoherent anticlimactic mumble. Because if Barbie succeeds by getting together with Ken, that wouldn't be feminist and pass the Bechdel Test. Even though that's what all female viewers would want to see. And if she saves the day, that would be a very problematic "White Savior" trope. (Even though that's what all female viewers want to see.) So the end of the movie goes into this Evangelion-esque abstract nonsense that rambles off platitudes and reminds us why "female philosophers" is an oxymoron. They wrote themselves into a corner.
Which is hilariously meta and we come full circle. Because the whole point they were making was that, "The patriarchy is pushing women to be great doctors and lawyers and presidents and it's like, oh my gosh, really really hard to live up to these standards." You dumb b**ch! YOU ARE THE ONES WHO SUBVERTED TROPHY WIFE BARBIE! It's other women and their backstabbing competitive nature that is causing this pressure. Men just want you to not be fat and not nag. That's it! And it's other women that ruined your sh*tty movie and made it so Barbie couldn't be a White Savior or get married. Just like in real life.
On the brightside, I guess this proved that race is more correlated with box office revenue than wokeness. Maybe Hollywood will take a hint and start making their propaganda more palatable by casting attractive actors again. Please pay Ana de Armas to lecture me for your next one, Noah Baumbach.
P.S. Why is no one talking about tranny Barbie or fat Barbie?
